This is how China gets its Gold Medals

Most Expensive Cars for 2005

Look at the most expensive cars for the year 2005

I need a favour

Can u please help me out in this issue. I will be out of station for the next two weeks. So can u please dont mind watering my plants twice a day, in the morning and evening. Please find the view of my garden and house in order that you can prepare yourself for this. Please scroll down to see the photo of my garden and house.







*
*
**

*
*
**
*
*
*



Still Down



*



*





*





*



*



*
*
*
*
***


*
**

More of Mumbai Rain pics..

A Modern Parable -- The Mouse Trap

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and
his wife open a package. "What food might this contain?" He was
devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There
is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr.
Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no
consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in
the house."
The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse,
but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are
in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow.
She said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, that's no skin off my
nose."
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face
the farmer's mousetrap alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the
sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness,
she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had
caught.
The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the
hospital and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you
treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet
to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.
But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to
sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered
the pig.
The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came
for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough
meat for all of them.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it
doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we
are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life.
We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to
encourage one another.
Remember: Each of us is a vital thread in another person's
tapestry; our lives are together for a reason.

What more do you want in a movie ?

What more do you want in a movie ?

This movie is Romantic, action packed, musical, family entertainer and
is based on spritual knowledge !!

People learn from their mistakes ...

A. The first photo was taken when the Chinese president went to US.
B. The second photo was taken when Bush went to China .

Amazing Conclusion !

*1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
*


*2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING


*


*3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.


*


*4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.


*


*5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.


*
*and........
*


*6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF. *


*THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
**
****
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Cajun Math

A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him
until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without
using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and
proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,"
says the Cajun.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the
picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each
tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you
get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and
dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting
worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun,
so he says, "all right, last question.

Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the
picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each
tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you
think that represents a hundred!"

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base
of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by
each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree
and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one
hundred....So, when I start???"

Ideal for couple

After Richard Jacobson of Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, placed a "for rent" ad
in his local paper that listed a cottage "ideal for couple," he got into
a legal battle that lasted nearly two years, after which the courts
finally ruled in his favor. The nonprofit Metropolitan Milwaukee Fair
Housing Council, which monitors housing advertisements in Southeast
Wisconsin, filed a complaint that accused Jacobson of "a preference or
limitation based on marital status in violation of the Wisconsin Open
Housing Law." William Tisdale, a spokesman for the council, says, "An
individual deserves the same protection as does someone who is black or
gay, and we felt that 'ideal for couple' was just as discriminatory as
'ideal for white' or 'ideal for Catholic.'" Jacobson was slapped with a
$500 fine by the state Equal Rights Division, ordered to take a $50
class on writing classified ads, and ordered to reimburse the Fair
Housing Council $1,481 for legal fees.

Some more Mumbai Rain pics..

The day Mumbai was sinking...

Dangers of working on a Brazilian pipeline

Dangers of working on a Brazilian pipeline

NEW BATA -chappals for Rs 101 Only...

NEW BATA -chappals for Rs 101 Only............ HURRy offer limited up to
your LIFETIME............

*Strange Things You Likely Didn't Know*

**
*A rat can last longer without water than a camel.*
**
*The dot over the letter "i" is called a
tittle.*
**
*A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down
continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.*
**
*A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.*
**
*During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen in the
distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).*
**
*Donald Duck comics were
banned from
Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
*
**
*Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were
made of wood.*
**
*There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and
silver.*
**
*The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a
recorded Wendy before.*
**
*If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a
scorpion,
it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.*
**
*Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you
could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.*
**
*The original name for butterfly was flutterby.*
**
*The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated
that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.*
**
*Celery has negative calories. It takes more
calories to
eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
*
**
*Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.*
**
*The Guinness Book
of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from
public libraries.*
**
*Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because
passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.*
**
*Bats always turn left when exiting a cave !
***
**

Excuse notes from Parents

a.. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please
execute him.
b.. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
c.. Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31,
32, and also 33.
d.. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administratin
e.. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out
of a tree and misplaced his hip.
f.. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his fac
g.. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was
hurt in the growing part.
h.. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by
very close veins.
i.. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
j.. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
k.. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre)
(dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
l.. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
m.. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
n.. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
o.. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I
don't know what size she wears.
p.. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get
the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it
was Sunday.
q.. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her
funera
r.. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a
weekend with the Marines.
s.. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and
could not breed well.
t.. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with
gramps.
u.. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore
throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the
best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around,
her father even got hot last night.
v.. Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His
father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the
doctor.

Think you're having a bad day ?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
___________________________________________

Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, tipping the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
______________________________________________
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
_____________________________________________
Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
_______________________________________________
STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
____________________________________________

What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better?

10 Office Sayings !

Top 10 sayings we'd like to see on those office
inspirational posters:

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having
meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed
them.


2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is
chaos...then you probably haven't completely
understood the seriousness of the situation.


3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.
Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job
security.


4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into
jet engines.


5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural
Stupidity


6. A person who smiles in the face of
adversity...probably has a scapegoat.


7. Plagarism saves time.


8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.


9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid
altogether.


10. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the
blame yourself

The city boy & the donkey

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it
already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he
is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two
dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

life , as it was, 500 years back.....

Life in the 1500s
The next time you're washing yourself and complain that the water
temperature isn't to your liking, think how it was for the unfortunate
people living in the 1500s.

Most people married in June because they took their yearly bath in May
and still smelled pretty good in June. However, they were starting to
smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the
house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and
other men, then the women, and finally the children - last of all the
babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could actually lose
someone in it; hence the saying, "don't throw the baby out with the
bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs; thick straw, piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, rats, and bugs) lived in the
roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals
would slip and fall off the roof; hence the saying "it's raining cats
and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the
house. This was a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other
droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. A bed with big
posts and a sheet over the top afforded some protection. That's how
canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt;
hence the saying, "dirt poor."

The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter
when wet, so they spread thresh on the floor to help their footing. As
the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until it would all
start slipping outside when you opened the door. A piece of wood was
placed in the entranceway, a "thresh hold."

In those days people cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added
things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much
meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot
to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes the
stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while; hence the
rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the
pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which was quite special. When
visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was
a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would
cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and
"chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid
content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead
poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for
the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of
wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were
made from stale bread which was so old and hard that it could be used
for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed. Sometimes worms and
mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy
trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burned bottom
of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
"upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would
sometimes knock people out for a couple of days. Someone walking along
the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They
were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family
would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would
wake up; hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small, and they started running out of places to
bury people. So they would dig up coffins and take the bones to a
"bone house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out
of 25 were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they
realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a
string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up
through the ground, and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit
out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for
the bell; thus someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered
a "dead ringer."

And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth...whoever said history was boring?

This is fun...

Just go ahead and use ur mouse to try balance just by moving your mouse & no need of clicking this fellow up while he walks.... ...this is fun


http://www.wagenschenke.ch/

Toilet Restaurant in Taiwan !

The rules of Life ...

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off.

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

* Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.

* Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is.

* Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else.

life , as it was, 500 years back.....very very interesting......

Life in the 1500s
The next time you're washing yourself and complain that the water
temperature isn't to your liking, think how it was for the unfortunate
people living in the 1500s.

Most people married in June because they took their yearly bath in May
and still smelled pretty good in June. However, they were starting to
smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the
house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and
other men, then the women, and finally the children - last of all the
babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could actually lose
someone in it; hence the saying, "don't throw the baby out with the
bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs; thick straw, piled high, with no wood
underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the
dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, rats, and bugs) lived in the
roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals
would slip and fall off the roof; hence the saying "it's raining cats
and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the
house. This was a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other
droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. A bed with big
posts and a sheet over the top afforded some protection. That's how
canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt;
hence the saying, "dirt poor."

The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter
when wet, so they spread thresh on the floor to help their footing. As
the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until it would all
start slipping outside when you opened the door. A piece of wood was
placed in the entranceway, a "thresh hold."

In those days people cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added
things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much
meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot
to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes the
stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while; hence the
rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the
pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which was quite special. When
visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was
a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would
cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and
"chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid
content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead
poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for
the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of
wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were
made from stale bread which was so old and hard that it could be used
for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed. Sometimes worms and
mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy
trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burned bottom
of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or
"upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would
sometimes knock people out for a couple of days. Someone walking along
the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They
were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family
would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would
wake up; hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small, and they started running out of places to
bury people. So they would dig up coffins and take the bones to a
"bone house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out
of 25 were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they
realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a
string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up
through the ground, and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit
out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for
the bell; thus someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered
a "dead ringer."

And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth...whoever said history was boring?

Fun Quiz

Question #1. There's one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contestants do. What is it?

Answer: Boxing.


Question #2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

Answer: Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about 2 and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.


Question #3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

Answer: Asparagus and rhubarb


Question #4. At noon and midnight the hour and minute hands are exactly coincident with each other. How many other times between noon and midnight do the hour and minute hands cross?

Answer: Ten times (not eleven, as most people seem to think).


Question #5. What is the only sport in which the ball is always in the possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

Answer: Baseball.


Question #6. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

Answer: Strawberry.


Question #7. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

Answer: The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.


Question #8. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw". They are all common. Name two of them.

Answer: Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.


Question #9. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?

Answer: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.


Question #10. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers"?

Answer: In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers, and kept the name when they moved west.

Bumper Stickers

· Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

· I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

· Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

· I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.

· So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

· Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

· I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

· As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

· God must love stupid people, he made so many.

· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

· I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

· Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Abbott & Costello Buy a Computer

Remember ABBOTT and COSTELLO Jokes? Hope you enjoy this one. In today's world, Bud ABBOTT and Lou COSTELLO's famous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this....


COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks.I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer.I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer!I need something I can use to write proposals,track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START"..........

Holy Humor

1. There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY. Trespassers will be baptized!

2. "No, God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."

3. "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

4. "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins."

5. "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

6. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

7. When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

8. "People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."

9. "Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."

10. "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Nonsmoking?"

11. "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"

12. "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."

13. "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."

14. "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."

15. "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."

16. "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."

17. "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."

18. "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"

(U R)

19. "In the dark? Follow the Son."

20. "Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."

21. "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

English is a funny language !

21 Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

10 things God wont ask

Ten things God won't ask:



1...God won't ask what kind of car you drove;
He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

2...God won't ask the square footage of your house,
He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3...God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet,
He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

4...God won't ask what your highest salary was,
He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5...God won't ask what your job title was,

He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

6...God won't ask how many friends you had,
He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7...God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived,

He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8...God won't ask about the color of your skin,
He'll ask about the content of your character.

9...God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation,
He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates
of Hell.

10...God won't ask how many people you forwarded this to,
He'll ask if you were ashamed to pass it on to your friends.


Read Carefully

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

Some Bruce lee Jokes !

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?
A: Mu Lee

Q: What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch?
A: Tha Lee

Q: What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over?
A: Kha Lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
A: Saa Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?
A: Id Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite festival?
A: Diwa Lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite Actress?
A: Sona lee

Q: Bruce Lee's favorite Music?
A: Qawa lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite film?
A: Coo Lee

Q: When did Bruce Lee die?
A: Final Lee

Q: How did Bruce Lee die?
A: By a Go Lee

Q: What is Bruce Lee's favorite hill station?
A: Kulu Mana Lee

Q: Who made this profile?
A: MALYA LEE

Q. What was Bruce Lee's nick name in School (after he bunked)

A. Gut-Lee

Q.What was Bruce Lee's elder brother called?

A.Mawa-Lee.

Q.What did Bruce Lee have for ekadashee?

A. Moo-Lee

Q.Where was Bruce Lee burried after his death

A.Khaa-Lee

Q.What did Bruce Lee say after coming out of the toilet?

A.Jhaa-Lee....

Q.Whom did Bruce Lee take for honeymoon?

A. Saa-Lee.

Q. Who was Bruce Lee's father-in-law?

A.Bhopa-Lee

Panjaab Airways !

P'njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT

Gud marning, Ladies and Gen'lemen. P'rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri
Akal. On
behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh 'Bobby', this is your Flight
Supervisor
Banta Singh "Bunty" welcoming to you on the P'njaab Airways flight
no.
9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.

We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b'cause the sun
was
not shining brightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does
not
shine in the night.

Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be
landing d'rectly in your v'llage.

P'njaab Airways has exc'llant record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even the fully trained tarrists and
hijackers
are afraid to fly with us.

I am pleased to 'nounce that starting this year over 90% of our
p'ssaingers have reached to their dest'nation.For the rest 10%, the
P'njaab Airways staff has lots of experience for consoling the
next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on
our
out-of-court settlement policies.

If engines are too noisy, on p'ssainger request, we can turn them
off
for comfart, but your flight will become late and you may become
the
late also.

For our religious p'ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help
you
to contact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure,
Holy
Books will be quickly distributed.

We regret that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we
could not
record it from the tallyvision due to power cut.

But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie
can be
seen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been
opened
for your viewing convenience.

For p'ssaingers on left side, we have put binoculars under the
seat. If
AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight
ent'tainment. our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the
Bhangra with flight stewards Pappu and Tappu.

Oye, Balle Balle!!

Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori
Fish,
Dal makhani, unlimited P'ronthas and Lassi.

There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black
Label
bottles.Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights.

As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P'njaab Airways
flights over P'njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the
early
warning system on the engines.

Please do read the 'structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in
your
front side. It is not a hand fan.The P'ssainger behind you must
read the
card in your backside.

Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water
landings on
any of our 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land.

Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing.
Also
do not use force. Broken seats will not > > > be replaced and you
will
be tied to the floor during take off and landing.

Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call
for
steward or airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking
off.

We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air
sikness
problems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets -

Thank you once again for flying with P'njaab Airways




......Panju's rock ..wot say ?

Bihari Essay on Indian Cow

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is
a
true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS)Examinations.
The
candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed,
And
because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got
child.]
He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got
four
legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body
can be
utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to
his
basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the
condensed
milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind
generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also
his
other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for
making
flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then
afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of
the
mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only
attacking and
defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This
is
done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled
to
the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity
forwards.
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar
animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done
to
frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he
gives
hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is
not
crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he
shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the
cow.......

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS,
is
bihar in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in Bihar]

One Liners

There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, my salary isn't sufficient !!

Remember there's no I in team" ... but there is a M and an E!

Corporate Motto: READY - FIRE - AIM !!!

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

I don't mind the rat race but I could do with a little more cheese.

They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.

Home is where the television is.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.

Death is hereditary.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

*When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

*Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

*Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else..

*Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.

*Well done is better than well said.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

*They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance.

*Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

*You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

*I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

*Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.

*The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.

*Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.

*I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

*LUCK...stands for Labouring Under Correct Knowledge

*Everyone should ! have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.

*The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

*There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

*An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

"God is a DJ, Life is a dance floor......play on"

Interesting Facts

Below are some of the facts... which merely some of know.....


Facts 1:

Only 1/3 of the people that can twitch their ears can twitch only one at a
time.

The volume of the Earth's moon is the same as the volume of the Pacific
Ocean.

Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

The largest city in the United States with a one syllable name is Flint,
Michigan.

On the cartoon show 'The Jetsons', Jane is 33 years old and her daughter
Judy is 15.

In Mel Brooks' 'Silent Movie,' mime Marcel Marceau is the only person who
has a speaking role.

Only humans and horses have hymens.

The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English
language.

The state with the longest coastline in the US is Alaska.

We had four consecutive full moons making two blue moons in 1999 (January
2 and 31, March 2 and 31.) The only other time it happened that century was
in 1915 (January 1 and 31, March 1 and 31.)

Pulp Fiction cost $8 million to make - $5 million going to actor's
salaries.

Spot, Data's cat on Star Trek: The Next Generation, was played by six
different cats.

The longest U.S. highway is route 6 starting in Cape Cod, Massachusetts
going through 14 states, and ending in Bishop, California...

The number of the trash compactor in Star Wars (20th Century Fox, 1977) is
3263827.

"Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and
ends with the letters "und."

A full seven percent of the entire Irish barley crop goes to the
production of Guinness beer.

If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more
like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.

Facts 2:
* Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
* Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.
* A-1 Steak Sauce contains both orange peels and raisins.
* It takes about a half a gallon of water to cook macaroni, and about a
gallon to clean the pot.
* Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
* Almonds are a member of the peach family.
* There is cyanide in apple pips.
* Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking up in the morning
* Six ounces of orange juice contains the minimum daily requirement for
vitamin C.
* Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza everyday.
* Orange juice helps the body absorb iron easily when consumed with a
meal.
* The world's number one producer and consumer of fresh pork is China.
* Most of the vitamin C in fruits is in the skin.
* James Madison was the shortest president of the United States, 5'4...
Abraham Lincoln was the tallest, 6'4.
* James Buchanan was the only United States president to never marry. His
niece, Harriet Lane, played the role of the First Lady!
* A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans!
* Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States!
* There is a motor-vehicle accident every 18 seconds in the United States!
* 97% of the world's water is in the ocean!
* The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!
* Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lighting than women!
* It takes 120 drops of water to fill a teaspoon!
* There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building!
* It is possible for a baby to get the hiccups, while still in mommy's
tummy!
* For the first 2 billion years of its existence, the earth had no life on
it whatsoever!
* Each seed of the palm tree weighs 30 pounds!
* It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally
planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them.



Facts 3:

Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 million other people
in the world.

The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane
crashes.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."

According to tests made at the Institute for the Study of Animal Problems
in Washington, D.C., dogs and cats, like people, are either right-handed or
left-handed --- that is, they favor either their right or left paws.

A giraffe can go without water longer than a camel can.

Blue whales weigh as much as 30 elephants and are as long as 3 Greyhound
buses.

Crocodiles and alligators are surprisingly fast on land. Although they are
rapid, they are not agile; so if you ever find yourself chased by one, run
in a zigzag line. You'll lose him or her every time.

Birds do not sleep in their nests. They may occasionally nap in them, but
they actually sleep in other places.

Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale.

Butterflies taste with their hind feet.

Only female mosquitoes bite.

Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as much as to any other
color.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go
mad and sting itself to death.

Every night, wasps bite into the stem of a plant, lock their mandibles
(jaws) into position, stretch out at right angles to the stem, and, with
legs dangling, fall asleep.

Ants stretch when they wake up. They also appear to yawn in a very human
manner before taking up the tasks of the day.

Bees have 5 eyes. There are 3 small eyes on the top of a bee's head and 2
larger ones in front.

The outdoor temperature can be estimated to within several degrees by
timing the chirps of a cricket. It is done this way: count the number of
chirps in a 15-second period, and add 37 to the total. The result will be
very close to the actual Fahrenheit temperature. This formula, however, only
works in warm weather. (Try it!) The original game of "Monopoly" was
circular.

It costs more to buy a new car today in the United States than it cost
Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the
New World.

One-fourth of the world's population lives on less than $200 a year.

Ninety million people survive on less than $75 a year.

The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every
letter in the English language.

The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to
right or right to left.

TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only
one row of the keyboard.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words.

A snail can sleep for 3 years

Real life Dilbert Quotes

A MAGAZINE RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST. THEY WERE
LOOKING
FOR PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE DILBERT-TYPE
MANAGERS.
HERE ARE THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:-

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will be able to access the building
only
with individual security cards.Pictures will be taken next
Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the
winning
quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we
might
encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It
should be
used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat
Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager,
United
Parcel Service)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant
manager, Delco Corporation)

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've
been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll
let
you know when it's time to tell them." (R¥Äsupervisor,
MinnesotaMining and
Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I
say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I
told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to
miss
work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could
change her
burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping
executive, FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
going
to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT¨long
Lines
Division)

10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
concerning
a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon
enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited
until
tomorrow to ask for it!" (Hallmark Cards executive)