Cool jokes

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon: " I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy.
But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
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Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs...
I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that........
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!
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Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?"
The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one " bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

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Pakistani on the moon:
Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem...
Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem..
Q:What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: ...... Problem Solved!!!!

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Once a train in Punjab got derailed and entered into the paddy fields. There was a huge panic and cry all over, but the train still kept moving into the fields. After a while the train got back on the rail track and stopped slowly. People got out of the train, with relief.

Some went to the driver to thank him. The driver was a Sardarji.
People asked "Papaji tussi bhot thanks jee.. we all were almost dead. Good u brought back train on the track, but what was the problem,
Why the train got derailed". Tho Papaji replied, "O jee mention Nott, actually there was a man standing on the track just in front; it was all because of him. People wit hanger asked, to save that man u had almost killed the entire passengers; instead u should have let the man killed.

To this our sardarji replied "Oye jee that is what I wanted to do, (saale ko maarna chahta tha) I wanted to kill him,
But he ran into the fields, aur maine peecha kiya"

Female Comebacks !!

Female Comebacks!

 

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

 

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

 

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

 

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

 

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized

 

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

 

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

 

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing

 

Rules of chocolate.....

Rules of Chocolate
1) If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating
it too slowly.

2) Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

3) The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store
in hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

4)Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge
off your appetite and you'll eat less.

5) A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of
calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

6) If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is
that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

7) Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.

8) Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.

9) Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look
younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

10) Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

11) If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

Good one...

In a speech by Thomas Friedman of The New York Times....

"When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat
our

vegetables at dinner and not leave them. mothers said, 'think of
the starving children in India and finish the dinner.'

And now I tell my children: 'Finish your math homework. Think of the
children in India
who would make you starve, if you don't.'"

 

The Einstein Puzzle

Supposedly, Albert Einstein wrote this riddle, and said 98% of the world could not solve it.

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There are 5 houses in 5 different colors.  In each house lives a man with a different nationality.  The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet.  No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar or drink the same beverage.

The question is: "Who owns the fish?"

Hints:

• The Brit lives in the red house.
• The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
• The Dane drinks tea.
• The green house is on the left of the white house.
• The green house's owner drinks coffee.
• The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
• The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
• The man living in the center house drinks milk.
• The Norwegian lives in the first house.
• The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
• The man who keeps the horse lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
• The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
• The German smokes Prince.
• The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
• The man who smokes Blends has a neighbor who drinks water.