The ultimate comic stuff

Contributed by Surender Kumar (surenderonnet@gmail.com)

If the directors of the movies be engineers from Electrical
,mechanical,civil,electronics branch.

then what would be the name of the movies .

kya yahi shaft hai

hum feed de chuke sanam

hamari bettery aapke pass hai

do diode

lathe wale material le jayenge

oil mil gaya

english piston desi crank

kya frastoo hai hum

maine civil kyon li

english control desi system

kya yahi communication hai

negative se positive tak

chal mere CRO

mein electron tu proton

material no.1

Cigarette...contains this much stuff...

Nicotine
Nicotine is a powerful insecticide and poisonous for the nervous systems. Furthermore, there is enough (50 mg) in four cigarettes to kill a man in just a few minutes if it were injected directly into the bloodstream. Indeed, fatalities have occurred with children after they had swallowed cigarettes or cigarette butts.
When diluted in smoke, nicotine reaches the brain in just seven seconds, it stimulates the brain cells and then blocks the nervous impulse. This is where addiction to tobacco arises. Nicotine also causes accelerated heart rate, but at the same time it leads to contracting and hardening of the arteries: the heart pumps more but receives less blood. The result is twice as many coronary attacks. Nicotine thus also increases the consumption of lipids (which is why it has a weight-loss effect) and induces temporary hyperglycaemia (hence the appetite suppressing effect).

Carbon monoxide (CO)
This is the asphyxiating gas produced by cars, which makes up 1.5% of exhaust fumes. But smokers inhaling cigarette smoke breathe in 3.2% carbon monoxide - and directly from the source.
Oxygen is mostly transported in blood by haemoglobin. When we smoke, however, the carbon monoxide attaches itself to the haemoglobin 203 times more quickly than oxygen does, thereby displacing the oxygen; this in turn asphyxiates the organism. This causes the following cardiovascular complaints: narrowing of the arteries, blood clots, arteritis, gangrene, heart attack, etc. . . . but also a loss of reflexes and visual and mental problems. It takes between six and 24 hours for the carbon monoxide to leave the blood system.

Irritants
These substances paralyse and then destroy the cilia of the bronchial tubes, responsible for filtering and cleaning the lungs. They slow down respiratory output and irritate the mucus membranes, causing coughs, infections and chronic bronchitis.

Tars
As the cilia are blocked (see paragraph above), the tars in the cigarette smoke are deposited and collect on the walls of the respiratory tract and the lungs, and cause them to turn black. So, just because a smoker is not coughing, it doesn't mean that he or she is healthy! And this fact merely serves to pour water on one of the most common and poorest excuses given by smokers. The carcinogenic action of the tars is well known: they are responsible for 95% of lung cancers. It takes two days at least after cessation of smoking for the cilia to start functioning properly again, albeit only gradually. By smoking one packet of cigarettes every day, a smoker is pouring a cupful of these tars into his or her lungs every year (225 grams on average)!

Chemistry of Tobacco Smoke
No less than 4000 irritating, suffocating, dissolving, inflammable, toxic, poisonous, carcinogenic gases and substances and even radioactive compounds (nickel, polonium, plutonium, etc.) have been identified in tobacco smoke. Some of these are listed hereafter: Benzopyrene, dibenzopyrene, benzene, isoprene, toluene (hydorcarbons); naphthylamines; nickel, polonium, plutonium, arsenic, cadmium (metallic constituents); carbon dioxide, methane, ammonia, nitric oxide, nitrogen dioxide,
hydrogen sulphide (gases); methyl alcohol, �thanol, glycerol or glycerine, glycol (alcohols and esters); acetaldehyde, acrolein, acetone (aldehydes and ketones); cyanhydric or prussic acid, carboxyl derivatives (acids); chrysene, pyrrolidine, nicoteine, nicotinine, nicoteline, nornicotine, nitrosamines (alkaloids or bases); cresol (phenols), etc.
 

Confessions of a kid

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked
him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little
Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for
your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat
down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike
for my birthday.
Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be
a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he
wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as
Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby
went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if
anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down
the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to
his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to
write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!

Hidden Programs In Windows Xp

1- Private Character Editor
This program is for designing icons and Characters(Alphapet)
Click :start
Then :run
type :EUDCEDIT
.................................................................................................................................................
2- iExpress
This Program is for conerting your files to EXCUTABLE files
Click : start
Then : run
type : iexpress
.................................................................................................................................................
3-Disk Cleanup
This program used for cleaning harddisk to offer space
Click : start
Then : run
type : cleanmgr

.................................................................................................................................................
4-Dr Watson
This program Is for repairing problems in Windows
Click : start
Then : run
type : drwtsn32
.................................................................................................................................................
5-Windows Media Player 5.1
Opens the old media player
Click : start
Then : run
type : mplay32
.................................................................................................................................................
Program ............. CODE
__________ __________
Character Map = charmap

DirectX diagnosis = dxdiag

Object Packager = packager

System Monitor = perfmon

Program Manager = progman

Remote Access phone book = rasphone

Registry Editor = regedt32

File siganture verification tool = sigverif

Volume Control = sndvol32

System Configuration Editor = sysedit

Syskey = syskey

Microsoft Telnet Client = telnet

Beautiful Colours: Ugly Truth!

Beautiful Colours: Ugly Truth!

Holi is played with various hues of red, yellow, blue, green, magenta, purple, orange, …..! But do you know that most of the Holi colours sold these days contain many harmful chemicals? Infact most are dyes meant for industrial uses like dyeing textiles and are not meant to be applied on humans. These colours include heavy metals, acids, alkalis, powdered glass…. The black paste has lead oxide, green contains copper sulphate, red is mercury sulphite etc. All these are toxic and can result in anything from skin allergies to cancer, eye irritation to blindness… and much more.

Even the base in which these chemical are mixed are highly toxic. Several powder or dry colours use a base of asbestos talc, chalk powder or silica. Asbestos is a known human carcinogen which gets built up in the body tissue, even micro quantities can result in cancer. Silica may dry as well as chap the skin. The shine in the colours is due to addition of powdered glass or mica. Many water colours have an alkaline base capable of causing severe injuries. If it enters the eyes, it can pose a great danger to the vision. Colours in the form of pastes have toxic compounds mixed in a base of engine oil or other inferior quality oil, capable of causing skin allergy, temporary blindness…

 

Chemical Colour	Composition	Health Effects
Black	Lead Oxide	Renal Failure, Learning disability
Green	Copper Sulphate	Eye Allergy, Temporary blindness
Purple	Chromium iodide	Bronchial asthma, Allergies
Silver	Aluminium Bromide	Carcinogenic
Red	Mercury Sulphite	Skin cancer, Minamata disease (mental retardation, paralysis, impaired vision...)

Even the way we play Holi is becoming dangerous. Throwing of water balloons can cause injury to the eyes and ears when thrown from a distance and with force. Is it not ironical that while the whole year we take utmost care of our appearance, skin and eyes everyday, on Holi we damage it joyfully with toxic colours? When washed, these chemicals enter the rivers, the soil, and cause even more pollution. Do our festivals and celebrations need not be at the cost of our life and environment?

We can play and motivate others to play Holi with environment and human friendly natural colours. By using safe, natural colours we are not only saving our skins but are also helping to save our environment and conserve our biodiversity. When these colours are mixed with the soil and water they will not add toxicity to them, therefore it will not harm the myriad life forms that live in the soil and water. By this we can bring back in large quantities the diverse plants and trees that give us these colours.

Experts Suggestions:

How to remove colours from your skin?
"If you are not sure with the quality of colours, you better smear your body with coconut oil or any other quality based moisturizing cream before getting coloured. It is better and easier to scrub them off with the oily layer and better to wash your face time to time so that your skin can be easily cleaned later on. If you do get coloured with obstinate colours, apply a mixture of curd and besan or malai and gently rub your face, do this two or three time and you'll get original colour of your skin. Don't try to scratch your skin with nails."

If going out to celebrate Holi:
·Use cap, scarf or hat to protect your hairs from colours.
·Use a sunglass to protect your eyes from harmful colours.
.Apply oil or cream on your skin before going out in Holi.
·Try to play with the natural colours (Gulal).

In case of irritation in eyes:
"Cheap quality and chemical based colour (especially wet) can harm your eyes. If you feel some irritation or redness in your eyes don't rub that area, wash your eyes with clean and running water and immediately go to the eye specialist nearby to your place. If eye specialist is not available at the moment than put one drop of anti biotic like "ciprofloxacin" 3-4 times in a day. Eyeglasses are the best option to protect eyes from colours."

For more information log on to websites -
http://www.cleanindia.org/btonature/holi.htm#toxic
http://environment.delhigovt.nic.in/holi2003/red_recp.htm
http://www1.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/544035.cms

 

best slogans....

# Sign on a  railway station at Patna:

Aana free, jaana  free,

pakde gaye to khana free.

 

 

#  Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:

Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.

She may be your grandmother!

 

 

# Seen on a  bulletin board:

Success is  relative

More the success, more the relatives.

 

# Sign at a  barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:

we need your  heads to run our business.

 

# A traffic  slogan:

Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will  be.....

 

 

#THE BEST ONE:

Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations

It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."

- Indian Armed Forces